Just a Little Crush
January 18th, 2010 @ 9:21 pm

I’m the Queen of Unrequited Love.   Since I’ve been old enough to stop thinking boys are yucky, I’ve almost always been in the throes of a crush on some male or other.  Most of my crushes were on men with whom it was virtually impossible to form a relationship.  Either they were unavailable for some reason, or they were totally uninterested in me and the possibility of a relationship was as remote as the possibility of my suddenly sprouting wings and flying to the moon.

There was, as always, a method to my madness.  Crushes gave me a way to experience all the excitement of being in love without, you know, actually having to “be” in love and experience the vulnerability that entails.  Forming crushes on unavailable men also gave me assurance of what I was pretty sure was going to happen anyway, a sad and lonely ending to the love affair.  Since the guy in question was never going to love me, something I always secretly believed would happen because I wasn’t that lovable,  I didn’t have to wonder if I would be hurt or anticipate a bad ending to things.  That bad end and the hurt that came with it was a certainty.

Compounding my little crush problem is the fact that I’m totally clueless when it comes to determining if a man is actually interested in me.   I’ve been places with friends and been told after the fact that a man was flirting with me and I was totally oblivious.  I’ve identified a few times myself when I was given an opening the size of a Mack truck and I completely failed to see it or take advantage of it.   When it comes to the logistics of love, it’s like my radar is off and my navigation is completely screwed.  I tend to focus on men who most likely would never be Mr. Right, or to get involved with men who clearly are not Mr. Right while a potential Mr. Right is standing off to the side vainly trying to get my attention.

I’m sadly in need of advice and counsel.   Those of you who are in a relationship, how did you know Mr. or Ms. Right was right?   Those of you who aren’t currently in relationships, how are you planning to go about finding Mr. or Ms. Right?  At this point I’ll take any and all suggestions, since I don’t seem to be doing to well at this on my own.

Love and Relationships

3 Comments

  1. jamie
    said,

    January 19, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    I’d love to offer you some advice, but I’m sitting the sidelines now. Lately, I think finding Mr. Right is like predicting where lightning will strike, or like guessing how many jelly beans are in a jar. No real way to tell til you get more information.

  2. Pattie NiemanBeeson
    said,

    January 20, 2010 at 2:27 am

    It’s more about being the right one than finding the right one. So says Dr. Pattie. *wink*

    None of us are experts – we all do foolish things for/with/to/while in love – but if you believe in you, work on you, and be the best YOU you can be at every given moment it somehow makes all the difference. I’ve heard it said (and subscribe to the idea) that “loving ourselves first” is really the only sure fire way to happiness – both inside and outside a relationship.

    Strut yur stuff girl!

  3. lolly
    said,

    March 21, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    I totally get where you are coming from. I also have had crushes on unavailable men for as long as I can remember.

    The last crush I had lasted 3 years and I couldn’t get him out of my head. The only thing that worked was telling my friend who was his sister that I liked him and he did nothing and so I finally realized that he didn’t like me back. It’s like you are totally blind when you are infatuated.

    I’ve come to realize that the crushes you have are not in vain and are usually showing you something about yourself. Look at the qualities of the guys you are crushing on- I’m sure you’ll see some similarities. Maybe the man you are destined to be with shares some of these qualities and the time is not quite ready yet for you to be with him.

    I send you strength…may you be blessed to be with him soon :)

Post a Comment